Understanding Your LOVE LANGUAGE

by Val White

for Dapper Life

A few years ago, my fiancé Adam and I were visiting with friends of ours who were also a couple. We were commiserating (as couples tend to do when they get together) on the similarities of the dynamics of our relationships; they seemed to mirror one another. 

We started the rant by laughing at these similarities, which quickly led to stories that would prove the comparisons to be accurate. 

“Oh my God, there was this one time…..” 

The more these past stories were brought up, the more emotionally charged I became. It was evident that there was a lot of unresolved ‘junk’ that I’d been resisting looking at. 

I remember clearly a point at which I frustratedly said “But…WHY do you DO that?” 

My friend (the one of whom I was very much more similar) said to me “Because that’s his love language.” 

“What the hell does that mean?” I responded. 

Straight away we pulled out our iPhones, as we were directed by our friend, to find and take the 5 Love Languages test to determine which Love Languages we each spoke. 

This was a totally new and bizarre concept to me. Love languages? I thought everyone knew exactly how to express and receive love, and up until this point, I assumed it was the same for everyone. I mean we are all human beings…we all bleed red right? “This is crazy talk” I thought. 

The 5 Love Languages are as listed in the number one NY Times bestselling book by Gary Chapman:

•  Words of Affirmation 

• Acts of Service 

• Receiving Gifts 

• Quality Time 

• Physical Touch 

Test completed; results in. My Love Languages are a pretty even 3 way tie : Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch. 

Adam’s Love Languages, a big split between, Receiving Gifts and Acts of Service. 

This made so much sense. 

When Adam would go to the grocers and pick me up a slice of chocolate cake for no reason…that was him saying “I love you.” 

To me..that just meant that he knew I liked chocolate cake. I didn’t equate that with love. 

Grab my butt as you walk by me in the kitchen and tell me how gorgeous I am before you kiss me…that’s love …isn’t it? 

This whole new love language concept made me second guess everything I’d ever been doing to convey my love. Did he not know that every time he walks into the room and I say “Hey handsome!” what I was actually saying was “I love you” through the lens of my Words of Affirmation language?  

I surely didn’t know that when he brought me a slice of cake that he was actually saying “I love you.” 

How many missed “I love you”s have there been all this time? 

We both decided to become intently aware on realizing how many times we were missing, or misinterpreting, each others love languages. It was an arduous task. I would say that it took the better part of a year to two years to really start to UNDERSTAND each others love languages and to fully see or feel each others behaviors as “I love you.” 

 As with learning any new language, it is often easier to UNDERSTAND the language than to speak it. We recently decided that it was time to take it to the next level, we decided it was time to start to not only understand each others love languages, but to try to SPEAK each others love languages. 

We have set a goal of doing three things each week to purposefully speak each other’s love language to one another; putting in the effort to not only understand one another but to proactively behave in ways which speak “I love you” that the other innately understands. 

I’m predicting this is going to be as paramount a challenge as the understanding process, with which we have become slightly proficient.

I would highly recommend Gary Chapman’s book on the 5 Love Languages; it’s a game changer. If you’re not ready to commit to reading the book quite yet, at least go and take the 5 minute online test. It’s a great first step in starting to understand your partner and yourself. 

If you’re not in a relationship currently, it is EXTREMELY beneficial to understand your own love language. When we understand why we do what we do it makes communication easier, more productive, less confusing, and leads to an overall more satisfying sense of happiness. 

CLICK HERE TO ORDER “5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman
CLICK HERE TO TAKE ONLINE TEST

ABC Gratitude GAME

By dapper life

written by val white

One of our favorite ways to start the day off on a good note is to practice gratitude. If you can get into a good and grateful energetic state first thing in the morning, you can set the tone for the rest of the day. The spiritual teachers known as Abraham-Hicks teaches a process for playing a game to get you in the vibration of gratitude. They call it the ABC game; here’s how it goes:

Before you even get out of bed go through every letter of the alphabet and say something that you are grateful for…

“I am grateful for Abundance!”

“I am grateful for Birthdays!”

“I am grateful for Children!”

“I am grateful for Dreams!”

And so on and so forth! It’s a fun way to start each day and it can greatly improve your outlook from the very get go!